I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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