My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i think im in europe. pls send help
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
