I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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