ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
