the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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