Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
