how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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