i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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