What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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