two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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