Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
