shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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