is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
this beer tastes like vomit already
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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