So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I deserve to be covered in dicks
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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