Fine. I'll sleep in my office
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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