420 ftw
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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