Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
