After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
