He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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