Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
