Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
please come you make the beer taste better
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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