I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Will exercising make me less horny?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
