it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
