And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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