Umm I'm too high to move.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
