We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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