Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
