Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
