and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
