i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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