Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
