Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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