I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
