I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just found puke in my bra..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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