foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
