hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
