Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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