i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
