well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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