Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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