no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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