I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just cropdusted the office
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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