I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
