One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
