Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
