I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
vagina is talking i cant
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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