Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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