Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
