she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
