AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize