I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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