the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
