So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
