So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
