found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
