I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
