took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize