I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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