my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
