I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
