We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
