drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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