We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
