i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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