Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
