Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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