I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
