he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
