Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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