she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
