Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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