I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I've blown a few things in my day
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
