I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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